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The Black Dog

I never write about my health issues as i find baring my soul hard to take, but today after feeling under the weather for a few days despite being on longterm antidepressants. Today it has struck me that im sinking into that horrible hole where i hoped i wouldnt end up again. Ive had depression now many years from what started as “PND” post natal depression some 25yr ago. I have sunk into black holes for sometimes a reason and sometimes not and this time there is no rhyme or reason to it. Everything is fine at home, im on holiday from University which i love we have a comfortable home a car for getting out a caring wife and our furbabies but still im sliding. Home alone im bored, home with the wife im bored and havent a clue what to do with myself i always have to be on the go. I started gardening and got on top of it but no spare cash as meant plans are on hold for the time being. We downgraded the car slightly as last one which i had wanted for years cost more in 6 months ownership than my previous car cost in 6 yrs and was constantly going wrong. Is it these little things building up inside me? I would like to think not as they are minor blips but im grateful i got through my 1st year of uni before feeling like this, it gives me time to get myself sorted, just gotta live with hating myself for feeling this low.

Photo courtesy of https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/about-us/who-we-are

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